is this it?

if someone were to ask me the one word to describe life in general..
my answer would be ..adapt..
in retrospect that is what i have been doing all my life..and you know what? it scares the hell out of me thinking that this is all I'm going to do in the future..

sometimes i can't help but ask myself..is this it? after the grand drum roll we have been prepared with all our childhood and teenage years..is this it?

when was the last time i jumped without caring where i landed? when was the last time i laughed till my stomach hurt? when was the last time i did something kind without telling a soul or expecting something in return? when was the last time i had such a fulfilling conversation with a person that i could smile thinking about it years later? when was the last time i stopped worrying about exams, studies and revision? when was the last time that i was courageous enough to do something that i know deep down inside must be done? when was the last time i liked who i am?

*sigh* too long ago... i might sound like an ungrateful brat flooded with pubertal hormones..but i can't help feeling that if things don't change...i'll adapt...and i will change...into someone bitter...someone who can't laugh at a decent joke...someone who can't appreciate the fun of spontaneity...someone who does not dare to take that step... someone who criticizes everything and everyone....and someone who complains and get upset over small things like customer service...

i mean...life is MORE than this, right?

On Boredom and Growing old

I've come to write because...i simply can't think of anything to do..*sigh* what holidays do to a person...haha..but i shouldn't complain. It's so odd isn't it when you get so excited and anticipate the holidays.."Ah! Now for some undisturbed rest" and I came all the way home to realize that rest isn't like a smooth melody sweeping past you, soothing out the stress and leaving you feeling refreshed...

Instead what I found waiting for me was...boredom..the blasted old fiend cluthes and hangs on like a worm in the gut. *sigh...just makes me wonder about old people and what they do with their time. I shudder thinking about the prospect that one day I might be those old batty grandmas with hypermetropic eyes and failing sphincter muscles, just staring at everything and nothing as days turn into years. With monthly highlights being visits to clinics and hoarding vitamins and pills while chuckling in greedy satisfaction. Why the obsession over pills and medicine? Well, when you're 75 and over, I guess that is the only thing you can rightfully claim. Something made specially for you, with you in mind.

Oh well..I do fervently hope that when that day comes, I'll have someone to go senile with..=p

Back to School

Sigh...sigh...sigh...
Lets have a few minutes of silence in respect for our greatest loss:

...the demise of semester holidays..
I'm still in denial..sigh..I'll be going back to KL next week to start my fourth year. 7 weeks have passed..Can you believe it? It's going to be another tough year, though I hope I won't be as blur as I was starting my 3rd year. At least I know my way around the hospital now..won't get lost that much I hope.

Oh well, at least I've got something and someone to look forward to when I'm in KL. =p My interior designer has anounced that my room is ready! I simply can't wait!

So what have I been doing during my 7 weeks of holidays you may ask? Well check it out:
1. Elective posting
2. Loose 10 pounds
3. Exercise at least 4 days a week
4. Finish my cross stitch
5. Go on a vacation
6. Continue my guitar lessons
7. Learn something fun & try not to look ridiculous ie: dance class, yoga
8. Learn to cook
9. Go visit national museum, zoo, birdpark
10. Spend time with family
11. Spend time with significant other...=p
12. Learn how to speak Chinese without sounding like I'm cursing in gibberish
13. Read up some 4th year stuff
14. Earn some money

Don't you agree I'm one heck of a person? ....to have planned ALL THOSE and managed to do only my elective (which is not elective at all...it was compulsory), visited the birdpark and no. 11 & 12. Instead, I've lost only 2 pounds, exercise when I felt like it, did not learn anything except the art of doing nothing, spent loads of money and I still speak Chinese like I used to. Hmmph...I should have added no. 15:

15. Regret that I didn't do most of the above.

Because I always manage to get that one done. You know the saying if you fail to plan, you plan to fail? Well, I don't know about you, but I'm always planning..I even plan to plan. Maybe for me the saying should go something like if you fail to execute, you will be executed...

Well, here's a message to all the incoming 4th years who actually read my blog:
Try to find the 'fun' in the mundane and if you can't, try to make your own fun! Help each other out, don't fight but gossip more, eat less, don't bully the juniors and be nice to Stella! =p

It Doesn't Fit!

Great..so I've been furniture shopping.. and I'm apalled by how incompetent our furniture industry is. Have you any idea how difficult it is to buy a writing table with just some pre-requisites? As a student, one's writing table is everything! How am I supposed to face it for hours if there was no love at first sight in the first place? So I went shopping with these specs in mind:

Length: between 110 and 115cm (the most important thing since I've got a room the size of a rabbit's burrow)
Width: between 50 and 60cm
Height: should be built for adult humans
Material: Wood
Colour: Wood-colour?
Price: a reasonable, affordable price (and that just means below rm100)

Very reasonable don't you think? And I couldn't even find ONE table like that after going to more than 7 shops..=( *sigh...and I even asked the people at the furniture shop whether they could saw off some wood to make it fit. And it seems that it can't be done. What's so difficult about taking 5 cm off the side of a table, revarnish it a little, adjust the legs a little, clean the edges? Hmmph..the way that furniture shop man looked at me was as if I told him to build me a rocket.

Oh well, I guess I'll just find a way to make my room bigger. Get rid of the bed maybe. Who needs it anyway? Especially when I spend so much time sleeping on my table..=p

The Ugly Duckling

Practically everyone has read or at least heard of the story of the ugly duckling. In some ways, many of us can even relate to it. How many people have felt and be made to feel that they do not fit in, they do not belong? We were always told when we were young that we were different, special. But it is against our very nature of being accepted, isn't it? I suppose deep down, every person would prefer to blend with the crowd, have a click rather than to stand out. As the very meaning of being outstanding means- you're always going to have to stand outside; alone.

And so this brings me to a new star. Miss Susan Boyle. She's 47, way uglier than any hobbit I pictured, but she really can sing. She sang Dreamed the Dream from Les Miserables (I never could pronounce that) at the auditions for Britain's Got Talent. You should have a look at the faces of the audience when she said that she wanted to be a famous singer- as famous as Elaine Paige. And it is an irony how that actually happened- overnight.

Her voice was great but what really made me jump in the bandwaggon along with legions of other supporters was how much the song came alive because it meant a lot to her. It's true I wasn't exactly misty eyed, but at the end when she sang 'Life has killed the dream I dreamed' I thought it was excellent.

But why is she so famous? Why was the audience on their feet by the time she finished? Maybe deep down inside we always wanted the ugly duckling to become a swan. Perhaps, she does not need Britain as much as they need her. She is afterall, an indomitable symbol of hope and all things possible. And at times like these, we need that more than ever.



Here's the link to a video of her performance on YouTube:
Susan Boyle 'I Dreamed a Dream'

What a week!

I had one of the most exciting week throughout this holiday period!!

Firstly, YeeMing dropped by to Ipoh and I had a lot of planning to do. I'm sure everyone thinks that the bestest place on earth is your hometown, not excluding myself. But when it's time to bring someone to tour around, it's a different thing all together. I guess it's the expectation that you have to bring them to look, see and touch things. But most of the time, the true beauty of the place is well, the people and those memories, I guess.

But I think we made the best of it. At the very least, I did not get lost that much. And we even flew a kite! (Actually, it was a smiley kite Caryn and I bought on the way to Tanjong Karang which never flew much..) So we thought of doing it justice and try to fly it in ipoh's polo ground. So despite the very real threat of looking ridiculous as we were both newbies at this challenging sport, we went ahead anyway. And we did it! We flew!!!

Smiley was so happy!

Next, Yeeming went back to kl and brought the tour guide home as well. It was my turn for a kl trip! Haha..actually I went back because I had to register for my new apartment. After I was almost eaten by the evil office lady and her bungling registration system, I finally managed to get to my new room. No thanks to Mrs. Evil.

Here are some pics of my new hole:

I actually managed to fit a bed, a cupboard, two shelves and a soon to be table.

But.. failed in taking a decent picture. I couldn't even manouvre the camera far enough. The room was too small for a photograph! Lol...i know it's a lame excuse for a terrible shot..but it's true!

A special thanks to Yeeming for helping me with moving all my junk, which i swear is replicating itself. There is no way a person can have so much stuff. And to think I've got to fit it into a roughly 2m by 2m room!

The very next day, had an outing with the girls to Sunway Lagoon Theme Park! It was fun despite the fact that we had to carry floats up flights of stairs which gave me a kind of deja vu feeling. All that carrying gave me some buns of steel Mr. California governor would have been proud. Phew!



The next day, after so much talk and planning, we finally did it! We went bird-ing. Personally, I liked the bigger ones. Ostriches, emus and casawaries! We even saw a peacock trying to impress one hot chic by shaking it's feathers and making this weird sort of rattle-snake like sound. Which was totally a turn-off if you ask me. The peafowl was of the same opinion. She took one look and left.

I was being polite so I stayed around for a bit.

All in all, I had a blast! Just as an afterthought, anyone who might think of a trip to the bird park, might probably want to bring a cap along...in case of some unexpected surprises from above!

Hot & Cold, In & Out

I love that song. It's bouncy, cheesy, and makes a great pepsi advertisement..i can just see it.. Miley Cyrus holding a can of pepsi saying, do you like it hot or cold? Or would u prefer it in between so that you can get the best of both worlds? =p

And just to salvage my image..i do NOT watch Hannah Montana.. I've got a 14 year old brother you see..and he has friends..who albeit being guys, have this crush on hannah. But my brother..is totally in a different league..he who, thanks to my influence, prefers much cooler shows like Totally Spies! I'm so proud!

Alright, so what's the deal with the title you may ask? Well, my dear readers (which by the way, i am proud to announce that i am not the sole reader of my own blog...=p) the reason behind the title is not a joyous one.

Have been pretty down in the dumps for the past few days, as i did not earn enough merits to stay in hostel. I now have to move all my stuff to an outside apartment. And as I've just received news from my future roommate, it's in a pretty dismal condition. *Sigh..There is no fan in the single room, and in the double and triple room, you can't even fit desks and cupboards..All of these are placed in the living room. And I went about thinking...how in the world am I going to study with four other strangers in the living room?

And the sad thing is that most of the time when I'm sad, I tend to drag everyone around me into it. And I hate it. And that's why I've got to brush it off, and say it's okay. But I am scared. *Sigh..And it's not okay.

Well, whatever it is, I'll update my blog with pictures on the new place. Hopefully, it'll look better on screen.

Elective posting at Malaysia's Association for the Blind

Honestly, I never spared much thought for the blind. Except maybe those times when we were forced to play the blindfold trust game where you’re blindfolded and your trusted friend guides you through some obstacles. I never not had that tirade of feelings.

It begins with the fluttering of butterflies, which are disconcerted by the ominous darkness. The darkness, so dreadfully absolute. That nagging insecurity, is like a rising tide of dread, so ready to drown and take one under. Because of that, I was almost knocked out cold once... Either that or one of my 'trusted friend' led me straight to a pole.

But besides thanking my lucky stars for being blessed with vision, I never really thought about the blind. And so, after much deliberation, my dear and I decided to do a one month elective at the Malaysia's Association for the Blind. The original plan was the national zoo but after being informed that we were given the option to choose whether we wanted to work with the

tigers

or the bears
well... we decided that we're not that into animals. Besides, we could always adopt a fish or a dog next time.
less chance of getting mauled, mangled and eaten

Oh, I just can't resist telling this joke..sidetrack a little but it's really funny! My dad read it online once..

okay, so there's the economic recession, people were losing jobs and this man, so desperate for a job came to the zoo.
Man: Do you have a job for me?
Zoo manager: Sure. Just wear this costume, swing from branch to branch, make some noise, eat some bananas..you think you can manage that?
Man: Sure!

So there it was, the man had a job and did that for weeks. One day though, he swung too far and landed in the lion's den. The man was so afraid and screamed and screamed and..well you get the picture.

The lion was moving towards him and the man was still screaming when the lion said,' Stop screaming! You're going to get us both fired!'

=))))

Okaaay...so back to the story of going to the blind association. We met a couple of retired blind individuals who have been working there during their spare time to earn some extra cash. They are so friendly people who have such good memory, even regarding high school geography! And to imagine that they've never seen a map or an atlas. As we do some work at the library as well, we manage to check out the Braille books. As Braille has to be typed on thicker paper, the books are so thick, that they have to be divided into volumes. Readers Digest is made up of 3 volumes, each about two inches thick. And upon curiosity, I decided to check out War and Peace. 14 volumes, where each volume is 4 inches thick. Carry it around and you have a bullet proof jacket.

I take my hats off to them. They never fail to amaze me with ways of overcoming their lack of vision. And I kept thinking to myself, it never even occured to me how they manage to do certain things like:

* Have you ever thought how the blind eat?
* Or apply makeup?
* Or know which train/bus to take?

Things that we took for granted. It's ironic how communicating with the blind actually taught me how to see. =) I guess for all my eyesight, I was blind.

By the way, the library of Malaysia's Association of the Blind is looking for Malay volunteers to help record the Malay novels/books to be made into audio books.

A White Tiger

I just finished this book by Aravind Adiga called The White Tiger- the 2008 Man Booker Prize Winner. If you’ve enjoyed watching Slumdog Millionaire- and all the depressing social slaughter of the deprived, and the ensuing ‘virtuous’ atrocities, then you’ll enjoy this book. Incidently, it also highlights India’s slums.

The world of our hero, Mr. Ashok is immoral, corrupt, with senseless injustice. But Adiga also writes with a touch of humour. I’m not a person who is usually attracted to dark comedy like this, nor am I particularly fascinated by slumeoples. (the people living in the slums) *hey, Shakespeare created hundreds of words in the English language, I thought I’ll take a feather from his book.*=p

It makes one wonder, for these slumeoples, are they bound to our law? Code of ethics? Well, are they supposed to respect the lives of their masters when they themselves are barely acknowledged as human beings?

But on the other hand, are the people who are at the receiving end of a social system created by individuals solely for their own benefit, are these slumeoples completely innocent of their own miserable destiny, or rather, lack of it? To quote a phrase from the book,
“They remain slaves because they can’t see what is beautiful in this world.”

It makes me wonder whether they could have done anything different for themselves. It makes me wonder whether I would.

Going home

Aargh...i hate the anticipation..
Sigh...home... sometimes I just can't wait to leave...and sometimes, I just can't wait to go back..

The long long long wait when you're JUST about to reach home....is so agonizing. The last 15 minutes seems to go on forever. On the bus or on the train, time suddenly decides it needs to slow down. Time, I have realized, is the most inconvenient of enemies. It never moves fast enough when you want it to. And it definitely never moves slow enough during exams.

Oh well...
Sometimes I just feel like running the remaining distance as it gives me something else to think about...like..how I regret attempting to run the remaining distance. When I take the train back, there is this escalator which is 3 storeys tall- which makes you feel that you'll never get to the top. At the rate that it moves, I can almost feel like I'm moving backwards.

After the customary 'I'm home!' phone call - which come to think of it, is a pointless act of trying to surprise my family when they already know what time to expect me..and heralds the inconvenient task of acting surprised on their part, there is the periodic watch-checking session. After some time, one can't stop but wonder why in the world do we have 12 digits for every cycle..Wouldn't time move faster if there were, say, 4 digits? So, it'll be 1.00, 1.05, 1.10, 1.15..and before you know it, it's 2.00 already! =p

And when you're finally in the bus/ train station, there is a scramble where everyone looks around for familiar faces.

And then there is that smile..=)

I'm going back home this thursday! After a month of community work at Malaysia's Assoc. for the Blind...I'll be going home to good food, and great company..which makes the journey home very worthwhile..=p